A Mother's Sin
by FrozenandYetNot
Summary: It was devastation but she was Blair Waldorf and she could come back. All she needed was someone holding her hand. Dair/Chair/Duck. How B's pregnancy storyline will unfold as per me. COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

**A.N: This came into my mind suddenly and I jotted it down. Since season 4 finale there are so many speculations. This story is basically my prediction of how it would work out in season 5. ****It's a very short story and a strong basis of Chair and Dair. The main characters will be Blair , Chuck and Dan.**

**Spoilers for 5.03**

**Warning: The first two chapters are angsty. **

**The Prologue is very vague but it is just the setting that came to my mi****nd. Let me know if you think I should continue it.**

**Please R&R**

…

_**29**__**th**__** May 2011**_

Blair was crouched in a very familiar position. On her knees with her hands holding on to the porcelain bowl she heaved time and again emptying the contents of her stomach. She hated it, hated it to the core. This always brought back memories of her nightmares when her problem was at its peak. Memories of insecurity, of a patient Dorota wiping her head and tubes attached to her veins. She had promised her that never again would she stoop to this. And suddenly this was a daily routine. A daily early morning routine…

She flushed the toilet, leaning heavily against the wall. Her eyes took in the blue and white marble of the bathroom wall and sighed. This was supposed to be a fun cruise. A cruise where she met beautiful dignified members of the royal family who welcomed her as a future princess, and where she proudly showed her 22 karat yellow diamond engagement ring to the world. She was supposed to be enjoying quiet solitude with her love, Louis and the press was supposed to remark on how in love they were. It had been very different from what she expected. While she met the royal family and Louis was the perfect fiancé- she smiled at the thought of how romantic he was- her mind was always dominated by the ongoing bouts of sickness that overcame her every morning.

She opened the door to see Louis standing against the door to her chamber. She smiled reassuringly at the pensive look on his face.

"Are you feeling alright, love?" he asked

She ignored the slight edge of uneasiness in her stomach as she answered "I am getting seasick, Louis. I am not used to travelling on a yacht." She lied easily.

He took her in his arms "Its takes some getting used to. But don't worry we would be on dry land soon"

Blair laughed as he kissed her cheeks and ran his hand along her curves gently… always too gently. She pulled back and arched her eyebrow "Is His Royal Highness getting some naughty ideas?"

He leaned over and kissed her. As his lips moved against her she tried to respond but as it had been in the last few months, her mind slipped back to the little stick with a stark pink line.

…_**.**_

_**20**__**th**__** August 2011**_

The room was utterly silent. The footsteps were sudden and unhurried. Chuck looked up from his scotch and watched the last person in the world he expected to see in his suite. Once she belonged here, now she was a stranger to this place. Even Dan Humphrey was more expected than her.

He watched the familiar face in stationary silence. They were both waiting, waiting for something.

"We need to talk"

Her voice was sweeter. After months of not hearing it, he could appreciate it better. He realized that the numbness he had grown accustomed to be slowly cracking.

"I thought we had said everything we had to say the last time we saw each other"

"Chuck..."

His name always sounded different on her lips. Was it because his heart always stirred when she said it?

"Or this is another misguided attempt by Humphrey to make me feel something" Chuck said mockingly. Of course this was the closest he had come to feeling. But the numbness was still there.

"I 'm pregnant"

The words were softly said .They were hesitant and sad.

He turned to look at her quickly, his body startling him with the reaction. Butterflies swarmed his stomach. How was this possible? He thought they had frozen and dead. The thought of pregnancy terrified him and on the other hand, the feeling of terror was welcome for it was accompanying the shining gleam of hope.

"It's Louis'" she whispered next.

And the ice broke. Pain beyond pain burst into his heart. He swallowed hard, fighting the sudden influx of gasping pain. He had felt nothing when he jumped off buildings or broken his ribs but this was like a gaping hole of bloody pain.

"I just didn't want you to find out from someone else and wonder of you were the father"

Very kindly put, Blair.

"That's very considerate of you." He said trying to keep the mocking edge away from his voice. He had let her go.

"If I know anything about Chuck Bass, it's that fatherhood isn't part of his lifestyle" she said slowly

He clenched his fists. Did she just imply that he wouldn't be a good father?

"You must have been really happy to know that you weren't carrying my offspring" he said to fill the silence.

Her eyes flooded with pain and he felt the need to continue. "This would have ruined your fairytale"

"This fairytale is complicated" Blair said. Suddenly Monkey bounded into the room and Blair knelt down to scratch his shaggy head. She looked surprised.

"Blair, meet my dog Monkey"

"I saw the Gossip Girl blast…I thought you gave him away" she said a grave premonition of wrong flooding her. Something was closing in her and she knew that she could taste it.

"I just wanted to get him checked out. It seemed like the responsible thing to do" he said slowly

And she felt it-The guilt, the choking guilt. She had based her decision to lie on their past history. Chuck would never want to be a father, he would be hated to settle down so quickly and could he do it anyway? He seemed to be always hell bent on destroying anything that loved him and she couldn't put her baby through the same thing as she went through. Disappointment and destruction was abundant when one loved Chuck Bass. She couldn't put her baby through that. Louis would be a safer option. And the Gossip girl blast had put icing on her explanation.

Now, she needed to get out of here before the guilt choked her.

"I should go"

"Yes" he said hoarsely

"Louis is waiting for me" she said reminding herself of the fact. She had a fairytale waiting. She had made right decision- it's the best for everyone. Then why did she feel like crying?

"Of course"

She stood there watching the love of her life watch her with pain in his eyes. She watched the father of her child sitting in a place they both called home. If only things were simpler. If only she could tell him the truth. If only their love wasn't as destructive as it was. If only she could tell Chuck the truth…

"There was a part of me that really wished it to be yours"

_There's a part of me that really wished that I could trust you enough to let you know your child. _

Yes, she said it. She wished she could give the baby its real father, that she had the guts to stand up to it. That Chuck was ready to be a father.

_**3**__**rd**__** November 2011**_

There was a hushed silence. A silence where a pin dropping would seem like a tormented scream... The scream was there too but it was silent. It was within their heads. It was not to be audible but it was worse any scream ever. Their eyes connected and just like always a string of pure passion passed between them. This time there was no tenderness, only accusation. He felt like wrapping her in his arms but at the same time he couldn't help but want to kill her.

This time there was no tenderness but pure betrayal. She wanted to smack that stupid smirk but more than that she wanted to kill herself. She began this cycle of pain. She began this. There was no one else to blame. The fault was her own – she and her accursed heart began this and now this would end her.

The silence was suddenly broken. Whispers melted through the hallway. Faces unknown and familiar stared at her with disgust. It was happening. Just like every nightmare she had it was happening. But it was worse than any nightmare, for she would never wake up. She lifted herself slowly and walked out gracefully. No one watching her could realize that she was dying a hundred deaths inside. She quickly stepped out of everyone's sight. It was then that she started to run.

Far away from this place... She heard footsteps behind her and looked up. She hoped for love, friendship or even affection.

But as always it was her nightmare.

"You brought this upon yourself" he said, his eyes burning with a vengeance.

She shook her head

"You ruined me..." she said half to herself and half to him.

…

Flashes, eye-blinding flashes on all sides of him. Whispers, scandalized whispers and various looks were directed at him. Some faces looked at him with open curiosity and some with open disgust. Those were the unfamiliar ones. The familiar ones were staring at with disgust and the glares directed from those eyes were hurting him physically. Yet none hurt as much as those tear-filled brown doe eyes did. They killed him like they were stabbing every inch of his body.

"Chuck…" the voice came from behind and suddenly he stopped. He eyed the man who he had hated for a while now. The man looked different. He looked broken, as though haunted by a minx. He knew that look. He, himself, sported it since he was sixteen.

Chuck wanted to smirk and enjoy his pain. But as he knew the look, he knew that voice. And he knew the feeling behind that voice. He knew it better than anyone what it meant to love Blair Waldorf and to be destroyed by her.

"Please tell me it's not true" the man begged

He knew that look too. No one knew better than him the pain and lurch that destroying Blair Waldorf brought. He had destroyed her too many times even though she proclaimed the opposite.

_Even you __can't destroy Blair Waldorf_

He knew the aftermath and burden of carrying that burden for he felt it now. He had done it again. He had destroyed her yet again and this time he wasn't the only one carrying the torch. He may have lit the flame but the man standing next to him had brandished the had told the world that Blair was carrying his the Royal Family of Monaco have been cuckolded.

So he took pity on him. He nodded in the affirmative watching the other man's face crumble.

"She is having my baby" Chuck whispered hoarsely

He straightened himself up within minutes as though too proud to be caught like this. Chuck watched him leave and he stood alone. He stood alone in his despair with one terrifying thought.

_He had ruined her and with that he had ruined himself._

**The story got deleted by mistake and I am re-uploading it. If I get a decent enough response I will continue it but if you think its too angsty or mediocre for your taste, let me know and I will shelve it. **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/****N:Writing about Dair and Chair in the same fic is like opening a can of worms. I am taking that risk and I have to say I am not writing this story with a ship-driven focus but rather a character driven focus. Basically I 'm exploring how would Dan, Chuck, Blair most likely react to the situation I created. I will try and stay as true to the characters as I can but I 'm not promising any ships.**

**Without further ado, I present the next chapter.**

…

_**3**__**rd**__** November **__**2011**_

She would be a beautiful bride.

He always knew that. Always- even when he was a pre-hormonal strange boy of seven, he knew Blair Waldorf would be a beautiful bride. Her chestnut curls will sparkle against the white veil and her eyes would be brimming with unadulterated happiness. The older he grew the more firm was the belief. And then there was that day when he thought that she would his bride.

When he saw the Harry Winston for the first time in his life, he had seen her in a white dress. It was most beautiful vision he had seen and his heart had thudded in anticipation the entire time he stood at the top of the Empire State Building. The day had ended sorely, but his belief that she would be his had not ended. He knew, deep down, somewhere along his conscious that they were inevitable. Hence he guarded her ring with his life.

Never had he imagined that he would be here. Slipping discreetly in the church on her wedding day to another man... He hadn't wanted to come. He had wanted to stay far away and drown himself in scotch but he couldn't stop himself. Not when he received her text –Not when she wanted him to be there. Chuck shook his head and slipped in the room.

She was standing in front of the big oval mirror. She was magnificent. She was dressed in a long flowing Vera Wang which was designed to ensure that her round belly was only hinted upon. Her face was glowing and her glossy curls were hanging loosely down her veil. He sucked in his breath at her sight. The sound drew her eyes to him. She turned slowly, measuring each of her movement.

"What're you doing here?"

He looked away "I wouldn't have come, but your text…"

Her eyes became more confused. "I didn't send you any…"

He shrugged. He had gotten one. He stared at the beautiful creature and cursed Louis for being a lucky bastard. Not only was he marrying the most amazing woman in the world, she was carrying his child. Watching Blair with his child swelling her must be a powerful surge of love.

He looked away from her before his emotions gave him away.

"Chuck…" she called his name

He looked back and gave her a smile. "You look beautiful"

Their eyes met and she flinched "You rent supposed to see me"

"Why?" he asked with a self-deprecating smirk "You aren't marrying me, are you?"

Her eyes dropped down and she whispered his name again. This time he heard the faint hint of regret in her voice.

"You let me go, Chuck. I-I thought you would be happy for me"

Chuck stared at her and for a moment he didn't see _his_ Blair but the tiny brunette girl he grew up with. The small girl who always had stars in her eyes and dreams in her scrapbook…He had always been the one who wanted to make them come true and now they were within her reach.

He leaned over and kissed her forehead. She looked up, her hands cradled against her protruding stomach.

"Bon voyage, B"

Her beautiful doe-eyes filled with tears but he turned away. He needed to walk away while he could. And every second in that room was stretching his restraint thin. He managed to walk out, wondering why he had bothered to come and who had sent him the text message.

"Charles Bass, I presume?" said a soft voice with a lilt. Chuck turned around. A beautiful brunette dressed in a magnificent navy blue bridesmaid dress was eyeing his shrewdly.

"I 'm Princess Beatrice" she said moving towards him. "You and I need to talk. There is a particular medical report you need to read…"

"How do you know me?" Chuck asked flabbergasted

"You're Chuck Bass" she said with a smirk "Even Europeans know what that means"

….

Dan stood awkwardly at the hallway. He felt uncomfortable, out of place. It wasn't an unfamiliar feeling but back at high school he was invisible. However, now he was author of the controversial UES novel "Inside". While many of the distinguished now gave him a passing glance, his friends and family refused to acknowledge his presence other than throwing him a poisonous glance or two. He saw Serena and Charlie, dressed identically, chattering excitedly. Charlie threw him a soft apologetic glance but Serena scrunched her nose and walked in another direction. She had really hated his portrayal of Sabrina and he was loath to admit that he had written exactly as he saw her. She believed that he had favored Blair.

Blair….

His throat became dry as he thought of her. Blair wasn't happy with him either. She was speechless with anger at his audacity to make Claire sleep with Daniel Hunter. Not only she refused to forgo it, she ranted about it every time they spoke since then. Curiously, however, she hadn't uninvited him to the wedding. He was also the only guy present at the fitting for her wedding dress. While her bridesmaids had cooed and drooled over the design, he had remained silent with one thought.

She will be beautiful bride…. And it wasn't the dress or even her beauty. It was sheer vulnerability that her eyes exuded beneath their strong exterior. It was because she was Blair- prim and yet brazen, manipulative and yet loyal, strong and yet vulnerable.

_Stop it, Humphrey. She is getting married today_

He sighed and picked up a drink with a fancy name from a passing waiter. It was then he saw him.

Chuck Bass hurried past him. His eyes were wild and he was storming into the inner hallways. Without stopping to think, Dan followed him. He was going to see Louis and he needed to stop Chuck before he did something.

"Chuck, wait…" he said pulling the billionaire

Chuck shrugged off his arm "Get out of my way Humphrey" he said with clenched teeth. Now that he was a few inches away from Chuck, he realized he had never seen the latter like this. His eyes were wild and his jaw was ticking. He looked mad with rage.

He wasn't in his senses and he could ruin this for Blair.

"Chuck, listen – don't do anything that you would regret later…"

"Oh, no... I wouldn't be regretting anything" Chuck snarled shoving Dan away "I need to see Louis."

"Chuck- no... Don't ruin this for Blair"

Chuck stopped and looked at Dan, his eyes appraising him.

"Did you know?" he asked with a hint of betrayal in his hazel eyes

"Know what?" Dan asked feeling wrong footed with the intensity of his glare

He smirked "Blair is nothing without her secrets"

Dan stared at him, with eyebrows scrunched "I don't know what you are talking about but you need to really get out of here."

"It is mine." Chuck ground out.

Dan stepped back in shock and then found his voice back "No- that-that's- um –impossible. I –I made her do the paternity test. She found out its Louis."

"You mean this test?" Chuck snarled. Dan picked it feeling the rough edges of where it had been taped back and his mouth fell open.

"She lied- to you, to me and to her prince" Chuck said. He snatched the paper back and stormed into the groom's chamber, leaving Dan dumbfounded.

…

Blair stared into the mirror, scrutinizing every last inch of her. She needed to be perfect. This was the culmination of her fairytale-a fairytale she had woven in her heart since childhood that came to fruition beyond her hopes and for which she had some grave prices. Her hands immediately went to her stomach as she felt a strong kick. Her child was oddly restless today and Blair blamed it on her nerves. She smoothened the front of her gown and kept her mind on the wedding preparations, the thought of paternity, lost loves and lost chances would sent her over the edge.

She sighed and took a deep sip of her aromatic herbal tea. She heard the murmur of voices outside her door. She stood up and opened the door. Her mother seemed to be in a deep argument with Louis, who had an uncharacteristic stern look on his face.

Most of the remaining members of the Royal Family stood wearing confused faces. Beatrice was standing at the corner, her hands folded neatly against her waist. Serena, Charlie and the remaining bridesmaids seemed to be staring agape at Louis.

"It's most improper Louis and after all the emphasis provided on tradition by Princess Sophie..." Eleanor was saying.

Louis looked beyond her and caught sight of Blair. The bride immediately tried to hide herself.

"Blair…"

"You aren't supposed to see me" The words reminded her of her encounter with Chuck but she forced it out of her mind.

"Never mind that now" Louis said sternly "I need you to answer a question and I need the truth."

Everyone seemed to have stopped talking to listen to them.

"Are you carrying my child?" Louis asked

There was a murmur and Serena called out abruptly "How dare you, Louis?"

Louis ignored her

"Is this child mine, Blair?" he asked her again. "Is this paternity test correct?"

Blair opened her mouth to tell the lie she had said so many times but something stopped her. Louis grabbed her arms.

"Say something, Blair. Anything… Tell me this is all a Chuck Bass plan to sabotage our wedding. Tell me he is lying"

Blair choked on a sob and her eyes met Chuck's. Icy hazel eyes stared at her with loathing. She flinched inwardly.

"Yeah" said a relieved voice from the back. _Humphrey..._ "It's a hoax, right Blair?"

She turned away from him, her eyes wavering over the faces on her family and her to-be family, her friends and then onto her fiancé. Her prince- her Louis...

And it all became too much

"No" she whispered hoarsely "No, I 'm not carrying your child"

Louis released her as though she was a poisonous snake. Maybe she was on some level. His eyes which looked at her with so much adoration filled with anger. He looked away.

She reached for him blindly "Louis…"

"No!" he cried "I can't do this"

She whimpered but no one reached to comfort her. They were staring at her like she was a monster. She gave a quick cry and turned on her heel. She needed to get out of there.

Whispers melted through the hallway. Faces unknown and familiar stared at her with disgust. It was happening. Just like every nightmare she had it was happening. But it was worse than any nightmare, for she would never wake up. She lifted herself slowly and walked out gracefully. No one watching her could realize that she was dying a hundred deaths inside. She quickly stepped out of everyone's sight. It was then that she started to run.

Far away from this place... She heard footsteps behind her and looked up. She hoped for love, friendship or even affection.

But as always it was her nightmare. How could Chuck do this to her? In his selfish pursuit did he forget that he would destroy her? His eyes softened at first as though he could read her mind but then his expression hardened.

"You brought this upon yourself" he said, his eyes burning with a vengeance.

She shook her head

"You ruined me..." she said half to herself and half to him

…

The scandal was too juicy and fresh. The American gossip magazines tripped over themselves just to get a glimpse of the bridal party. The distraught parents' duo took refuge in the first limo they could find. Serena was being hounded by the press. Chuck seemed to have locked himself in his suite. The biggest concern, however, remained that Blair was missing.

Her cell phone was switched off and there was no place that they didn't look. They stopped by the Van der Humphrey penthouse, the Waldorf residence, the loft, Constance, Dorota's apartment in Queens and even the Empire but to no avail. There was no sign of her.

Worried beyond words, exhausted beyond capacity Dan returned to the loft close well past midnight. He stopped short as he saw the telltale stained white lace on his wooden floor. Blair Waldorf was sitting cross-legged at his doorstep.

"Blair…" He rushed to her "Where the hell have you been? Everyone is looking for you."

"You will always have me." She murmured

"Blair…"

" You- you said even if I lose everything, I will always have you…" she said again, her voice weary beyond belief "Did you mean it?"

He stared at her intently

"Even after what I did, can you be there for me?"

She had crossed a line. She had no right to keep the child away from his father but be as it may be Dan couldn't help but be moved by her words. He couldn't let her be alone.

"I can"

…

**Let me know what you think…Review :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you for the wonderful response. When I posted this story I was expecting some flames but everyone has been very nice and polite. I 'm sensing some of you are disappointed at the way I am treating Chair or Dair. I would make this clear I don't have hate any of the characters. I am just writing the characters, without thinking of the ships.**

**Please Read and Review **

…**.**

Melancholy thoughts should be reserved for the last embers of the nights. Early mornings should be bright, new and heartening. That is how she always viewed the symphony of night and day. The perfect chord struck brightening the day had to become silent once darkness fell. Similarly, the painful orchestra of pain had to be swallowed in the darkness to be replaced by the innocent chirping of birds signaling a new dawn.

No such sound greeted her that morning. It was supposed to be the day of new beginnings, the day of a new life and the day which she had dreamt of for so many years. She was supposed to be departing for her honeymoon tour tonight and the press eagerly following every move of the new princess of Monaco. Instead she was lying on a lumpy bed with very ordinary cotton sheets brought at some discount store. The thought, strangely, didn't bother her.

The silence did. She lay down staring at the white ceiling, replaying the events of yesterday in her mind. She can't say she was surprised. Somehow she had always known that this would be her fate for she had written it herself. Even when she was dressing up for Vogue Paris or crying over minor details of her wedding, she had known that she would end like this. She knew she had messed her life and another's. The ringmaster of this circus of her life was she, herself.

She had thrown herself into the fire pit; Chuck only added fuel to it.

Her eyes filled with tears as she remembered the icy hatred that his eyes held when it met hers. The thought made her shiver. Chuck had, never, really hated her. Yes, he had thrown the word one time too many but she knew, as he did, that he didn't hate her. He couldn't... just like she couldn't hate him. God knew she tried to, for so long, but the hatred was always temporary, sweeping in and out. She knew who he was and accepted it. And he always appreciated her dark side but this time he seemed disgusted by her.

She wiped her tears, choking on the sob. She had done what she believed was correct. For herself and her child…. Louis was a safer option. Chuck wasn't dependant or reliable. He would freak out at the thought of a child and run away. Even if she chose to tell him the truth and leave Louis, he would be saddled with the woman he wanted to let go and that wasn't fair on him.

It was for the best, for everyone. And she had believed.

_I still believe_

She whispered the words. But even as the words echoed around in her head, in the silence in the small room at a Brooklyn loft, she knew that she was lying. She was lying, just like she had lied to Louis, Chuck and everyone she knew. Now she was lying to herself.

Denial was an ingrained part of her. It was a well-known fact but almost no one knew that it was a necessary part of her. She wasn't Serena, for whom life opened up paths strewn with flowers and love. She wasn't Nate who didn't know which path he wanted at all. She was Blair, whose mind knew exactly what she wanted; the direction she was supposed to move but the path was always difficult, rough and strewn with weeds. Much likes Chuck, but while he accepted darkness and disappointment as his fate, Blair was different. She still craved for the light, though she was inherently.

Her sky wasn't blue or black. It was grey with large pink fluffy clouds. The dreams that were always peripheral to her vision but out of her reach. In the quest of dreams, she had destroyed it all. Her life and the life of her child...

She cradled her protruding stomach and whispered: "I love you"

That was the only thing she was certain about at this moment.

…

"Open up..." Nate called knocking incessantly on the familiar door "Come on man, open up"

There was no answer and Nate sighed. He had been trying to reach out to Chuck since last night but his best friend refused to acknowledge his presence. He stretched out, loosening his hand cuffs. He was still dressed in his formal attire. He had spent last night looking for missing bride and then come home to try and make Chuck speak to someone. Chuck had left the church and locked himself up. And Nate was getting worried, He was tired and exhausted by the sleepless night but he wasn't moving an inch until he saw his best friend.

He wondered what position he could find Chuck in. Every time Blair and Chuck fought, both of his friends sank down a little further in their anguish. And this year had been really hard on Chuck as it is. Blair's wedding coupled with her pregnancy announcement had hit him very hard. And now…. Nate didn't know what to think. How could Blair conceal such a big thing from them all, from Chuck?

He heard the elevator ding and Serena walked in, with a whiff of Burberry perfume. She had changed and looked even more worried.

"Any luck?" he asked

"No. We couldn't find her. We checked every possible venue. I 'm going to call Dan and start searching again but…" she trailed off, " I know if she doesn't want to be found, we won't find her."

She looked at the closed door. "He still hasn't come out"

Nate shook his head "He refuses to acknowledge my presence. I have been yelling at him to open the damn door for hours"

Serena knocked on the door and called "Chuck, its Serena. I really need to talk to you." She waited and then continued "Chuck, please we need help. Blair- Blair is missing"

Nate gasped "Serena…"

She shrugged and whispered "If that doesn't work, then nothing will..."

They waited with abated breath as the lock opened with a resounding click and the door opened. Chuck stood at the helm of the door, his clothes wrinkled, his eyes bloodshot and an uncharacteristic expression.

"What do you mean she is missing?" he growled out

"God, Chuck, you look awful…" Serena cried

"What do you mean Blair is missing?" he asked again, his voice losing an edge

"She left after the wedding... she ran away and we couldn't find her… "She said slowly, running her hair through her unkempt hair

Chuck looked at her with no expression at all "Did you check at the loft?"

"Yes, right after we left the Waldorf residence. We went to Dan's place, then Dorota's... I even checked with all her minions. She was nowhere to be found."

"I don't get it. She is very far along in her pregnancy. She shouldn't be running around the city." Nate cried loudly, exhausted beyond belief with worry.

"What do you expect, Nate? " Serena jumped instinctively to defend her best friend "She was humiliated in front of the whole country. Every gossip trash is calling her names and speculating on her private affairs. Did you really expect her to be home sipping coffee?"

Chuck looked away clenching his fist. Her words echoed on his mind as it did all the night long.

_You ruined me_

Yes, once again he did ruin her and as always her destruction was linked with his. He was reforming, trying to become a better man but in that moment all he had felt the stab of betrayal. All he had felt was the need to undo this tangle that one simple lie had created. How could she keep him away from his child? What was she going to do- make Louis the father of his child and never him or his child find the truth? Curiously he understood where she stood but it pained him beyond anything that she didn't trust him enough to entrust his child's future with him.

Yes he never wanted to be a father. Yes children weren't part of his lifestyle but that didn't mean he wanted to give up his flesh and blood. His child... Their child... He swallowed hard, his mind filled with a vision of a tiny brunette toddler smirking at him. Their child would be beautiful

He looked up to see his friends' eyes on him and shrugged.

"She deserved it." He said in a voice unlike his own "She was going to take away my child from me…Make Louis her father…"

Serena let out a sob and hugged him. She held him tightly against her as though trying to squeeze away his pain from him. Nate joined in a moment later.

"Its going to be ok, man... It will all work out."

…..

Dan woke up with a sudden jolt. His neck felt stiff from where he had laid it down on the couch. He stretched it, his mind still foggy with sleep. He sat up straight as the events of the last night became clear. It had been one hell of a night... He remembered the utter desolation in Blair's face as she asked him to help her and felt a pang. Blair Waldorf is proud; she should never have to plead. Yesterday should have been the culmination of all her dreams. Today she should be embarking on the journey of her new life.

And instead she cooped up in a Brooklyn loft, hiding from the world that should have been rejoicing in her happiness. The thought made him jolt up as he looked around desperately for the news paper. He needed to throw it away before Blair saw it. But for the life of him he couldn't find it.

"Looking for this?" he heard Blair say from behind him. He turned slowly to see her. She flashed him a strained smile and threw the newspaper at him

He stared at her intently trying to decipher her true emotions. She turned around and sat on his couch.

"Could you make me something, Humphrey?" she asked nonchalantly

"Of course... You- um – and the baby need some nutrition. I will whip something up" he said placing the newspaper on the counter and opening his refrigerator.

"Yeah, I think she is hungry": she said softly

Dan froze with his hand on the toaster switch.

"She?"

"Yeah... We did a sonogram last week. It's a girl."

"Wow... Congratulations..." he cried with a smile on his face."I can just imagine what a terror mini-Blair would be in fifteen years..."

She nodded an odd smile on her face, "Victoria will be a princess."

Her face changed and she stood up. "I-I will go take a shower"

Dan tried to prepare a nice healthy breakfast. He placed his bacon on the stove and discreetly opened the newspaper. As expected Blair's face greeted him.

**RUNAWAY BRIDE CAUSES A ROYAL SCANDAL**

**Blair Waldorf, NYC resident, who has been making headlines post her engagement with Louis Grimaldi, heir to the throne of Monaco, seems to harboring a grave secret. The couple was supposed to tie the knot yesterday but in a very scandalous turn of events, the wedding was called off at last minute. While the Royal Family has given the official press statement that the couple was breaking off the engagement due to "irreconcilable differences" it is being speculated that truth is much graver. Blair Waldorf, daughter of famous designer Eleanor Waldorf, was supposedly having a clandestine affair with Mr. Charles Bass, and the child she is carrying is their lovechild. Miss Waldorf reportedly concealed the paternity of her child and led Prince Louis to believe that- continued in pg 5**

"They sound like Gossip Girl, don't they?" Blair asked. ""I always wanted to be first page news but I pictured myself as the next Diana, not Lewinsky."

Dan dropped the paper and shook his head "Blair, listen..."

"I know. I know I ruined it. I ruined my life. I ruined my baby's life." She pressed her hand on her mouth fighting tears.

"That's not true…"

Blair let out a watery laugh "Oh yes. Here let's see…" she grabbed the TV remote and switched it on.

**.. It is yet to be confirmed as to why Blair was jilted at the altar…**

**.. The royal family of Monaco refuses any further comment on the matter….**

**Speculation is that Miss Waldorf was of a promiscuous nature…**

Dan flinched as he heard channel after channel discuss her life.

**Prince Louis has withdrawn officially as the heir to the throne. His sister, Beatrice Grimaldi, has been announced as the heir to the throne of Monaco….**

"Point proven, Humphrey?" she said dramatically "I have caused Louis to resign from his crown, ruined my daughter's life before she was born and I 'm the national joke."

Dan stood there awkwardly. He knew what it was to be all alone in the world. He had faced it when his book first came out. But only his friends hated him then. He wondered how Blair would take ridicule from the press, from unknown strangers….

Blair straightened up "I need to get out of here. "

Dan stared at her, his mind working in circles. He knew it was probably the best to take her away to a secluded place, away from this mess. He remembered the key Noah has pressed in his hand when he confided to the writer about the strained relationship with his friends and family. It was a key to his friend's house at the Hamptons.

"If you ever need to get away…."

He could take her away. Protect against everything and let her have the child in secret. It would be for the best. No one could humiliate her and he would be there for her each step of the way.

His cell buzzed.

**We need to find B. Chuck called his PI. Meet me at the penthouse in 20. S**

Or he could call Serena and tell her that Blair was right there with him.

"Maybe you could go home…Serena will..." he began uncertainly

Blair shook her head "Everyone hates me, Dan. Didn't you see them yesterday? They looked at me like I 'm a monster. I can't take this Dan... Not like this... I have no place to be... I just... I …"

Suddenly he knew what he had to do.

"Let's get out of here, Blair. Somewhere away from this mess"

"Dan…"

She looked terrified. And he realized he never wanted to see her so terrified in his life.

He worked up his courage and kissed her forehead. She didn't protest.

"I 'm here, Blair... Every step of the way…"

….


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:**Thank you being so polite until now... I am really trying to depict the characters as I see them. Therefore you may not agree with certain thoughts that a particular character is thinking but it's their perspective on the subject, not necessarily right or wrong, but just their thoughts. There is a lot of Dair in this chapter- Chair fans you have been warned.

Read and Review :)

...

_**7th November 2011**_

It was silent at night. Dan enjoyed this time of the night when everything came to a standstill. He stood up, letting the notepad he was scribbling on fall off his lap. He stretched himself staring at the utter luxury surrounding him. He was sitting in the middle of the luxurious bedroom in Noah's four bedroom beach house. It was perfectly furnished, keeping the luxury and eccentric tendencies of its owner. He stood up to stand at the huge balcony overlooking the sea. It was slightly breezy and Dan was about to step inside when he saw her.

She was dressed in a loose cream dress with short sleeves, her protruding belly clearly visible and her dark hair flying loosely about. His heart thudded as he revelled in the utter beauty of the scene. Most people thought pregnant women were unattractive but seeing Blair Waldorf with child would change anyone's opinion. Her delicate features were only enhanced by the pregnancy glow she showed and her natural motherly instinct softened her standoffishness. He still couldn't believe that she was here with him.

Her world had blasted and she was destroyed but the idea that he was her savoir was overwhelming. He knew it was selfish but it felt amazing to be able to hold onto her hand (metaphorically of course) as he secluded her from the world. There was an odd romance about this situation and the writer in him appreciated that.

He saw her shiver and quickly grabs a shawl before running down to the beach. He could hear his feet slapping the sand but she seemed stationary as she stared up at the sky.

"Blair..." he called before sitting down next to her "What are you doing? You could have caught a cold"

He placed the shawl around her and she wrapped in around herself. He looked around to stare at her intently. They had come here together but Blair was still a closed door. She never mentioned the tragedy that happened to her and never opened anything media-related that could give any communication to the world. They were living in a world of their own. She woke up and he made breakfast. She complained about his cooking and they usually bantered. Walks along the beach or reading books were how they passed the day. They usually watched one movie or the other at night before turning in. They worked like a choreographed dance only he wished they could break the routine once to allow him to make her see that all wasn't lost.

"Come on let's go inside..."

"I want to stay out a little more while" she said softly, her eyes unwavering from the ominous dark clouds

"I promise to make waffles and I will suffer through another viewing of Breakfast at Tiffany's" he said trying to lighten the mood.

Blair turned to him with a twisted smile.

"Do you know why I love watching Breakfast at Tiffany's?"

"Two words: Audrey Hepburn" he said with a grin

"No, because it makes me forget what I want to forget... I realized that when I was twelve..."

"Blair..." Dan asked trying to gauge her mood. She seemed so different now.

"I had just seen my Daddy kissing Andrew Stryker and it made me want to die. I spend days trying to purge it out of my system when I realized that if I don't talk about it, it would go away. I drowned myself in Audrey marathons till I convinced myself that it never happened" she said in a rush, her face still frozen and inscrutable.

Dan could only stare. Hearing her candid confession made him shiver instinctively. This was the awful bitch from high school?

"I always pretended, I always thought if I act like it didn't happen, it would go away. But it never does..." her voice broke in the middle and he reached out placing his hand gently on her arm.

"It's always there. I destroyed everything Dan. Louis, Chuck... Victoria... I failed them all..." she whispered, tears trailing down her cheek.

"You didn't fail Victoria. You did all this to protect her" Dan said unable to counter her other statements.

"Then why doesn't she move?" she asked brokenly. Dan froze.

"Why hasn't she moved since the wedding, Dan? I can't feel her anymore"

...

_**8th November 2011**_

"I can't believe she left with Dan..." Serena whispered for the hundredth time that week. Nate glanced at her and sighed. Serena looked like the picture of perfection from where he stood but upon closer look you could see the pain in her blue eyes, the utter lack of comprehension at what happened and the conflicted feelings that tore at her heart.

On one hand she had been extremely worried about their pregnant best friend who was labelled by the press as a gold digger, opportunist and worse. Serena had been adamant to find Blair, almost giving up her job to find her. However, once she realised that Blair had run away with Dan, she had changed. The idea seemed to hurt her too much. Why were they together? The contents of Inside was still fresh in her mind and sometimes the unfairness of it all made her want to scream.

She was Dan's dream girl- the girl he had coveted for so long. Blair wasn't supposed to be the one Dan loved. She didn't even know why the idea of Blair and Dan hurt so much. She finally realised the pain of losing the love of your life to your best friend. She glanced at Nate and looked down ashamed. It was a form of poetic justice, she supposed. She had almost started crying when Chuck announced that they probably ran away together.

Why would Blair run away from her in such a time? Didn't she always hold her hand whenever Blair needed her to? And why with Dan...They had been trying to locate them for a while but so far they had drawn a blank. The possibilities were endless as were the nightmares that caused her to wake up in the middle of the night.

She turned around as she saw Nate frown into his phone.

"We have a problem"

"What now?"

"Chuck is gone"

"What... where?"

His blue eyes were steely when he whispered

"I don't know..."

...

_**8th November 2011**_

"Waffles, really Humphrey?" Blair said with an eye roll as she walked into the dining space-cum-kitchen. She was dressed in a loose salmon pink dress which fell below her knees. Her make-up was immaculate and she looked perfect.

Too perfect...

They had visited a renowned doctor yesterday. Blair's fears were put to rest. The foetus was fine. It had a strong heartbeat but it still refused to nudge, kick or even shift for days now. The doctor suggested it could be due to stress that Blair was undergoing could affect the child. She was asked to be stress-free and relaxed for days. It wasn't working though. Blair was relaxed on the outside but Dan suspected that she wasn't okay on the whole.

"I can't help it, Blair. I 'm a Humphrey... I am a waffle-maker through and through..."

She smirked at him "You can take a boy out of Brooklyn but you can't take the Brooklyn out of..."

"Dan..." he quipped dousing the waffles in maple syrup. He played them up and poured orange juice. He looked up to see Blair staring wistfully out at the beach. He joined her by the window and he gazed at her perfect face as she looked out almost shyly.

"Blair..."

A hint of colour appeared in her cheeks. His heart thudded.

"Serena..."

"What?"

"Serena used to love making sand houses and digging holes but I never liked them. It used to ruin my dresses..." she said softly "So she used to dutifully sit by me and talk as we watched the boys make a fool of them..."

Dan laughed at the mental image.

"Chuck Bass digging holes... Now that's something I can't ..." he stopped as he watched the colour drain out of Blair's face. "Blair- I- um- I didn't mean to – I meant that- just-I know it's difficult to talk about him especially since..." he trailed off

"Especially since I tried to cheat him out of his child..." she snapped. It was first show of emotion he got since they arrived at Hamptons but it was replaced the perfect smile next moment.

"For someone who calls himself a writer, you sure don't have a way with words..." she said with another smile that didn't reach her eyes. He watched warily as her hands smoothened over her huge bump.

"How would you even know about my writing skills, Waldorf? Did you ever manage to finish Inside?" he asked trying to wipe away the worried frown from her eyes.

Instead of the teasing smile or biting remark he was expecting, she seemed flushed and looked away.

"Blair..."

"I read it last night."

"Oh and..." He asked nervously. Her opinion mattered the most to him and if she didn't like it...

"I know why Serena didn't like it" she said evading his eyes

He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. This was dangerous territory. He looked down at his loafers until she spoke again.

"Why?"

The question seemed to be loaded with so many doubts.

"Because it's true..."

"No, Dan. Serena is your princess" she informed him dutifully "It was meant to be that way. You loved her so long. I just think you indulged your anger at her by trying to make it seem as though Claire was the..."

"I don't play those games" he announced seriously "Claire was suited to Dylan better than Sabrina. She was his intellectual equal. She was his soul mate. They went through so many years ignorant of the fact how similar they were how they shared the same interests... and Dylon hated her until he actually knew her and knew that she was perfect in her own way..."

Blair's eyes filled with tears.

"She is not perfect Dan. You are idealising her in your head." Her hands didn't move from her bump. He could see her wishing, hoping, craving for only tiny nudge

The sight broke his heart. He walked towards her and hugged her from behind.

"She is perfect to me"

She looked back at him and he found himself drowning in those brown eyes. She was so close and she smelled so good. He leaned forward instinctively.

"Well- well, Am I interrupting something?"

Dan turned around quickly, his eyes widening as he saw Chuck Bass standing near the stairs.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: The last chapter was pretty low on the feedback. I never expected this one to garner a huge readership but still... :( To the handful of people still reading this I present to you another controversial chapter. Unlike previous chapters, this takes place in one setting. This is the second last chapter and another chapter and the epilogue will follow. **

**Once again to the shippers of both ships- I 'm sorry in advance.**

**Read and Review**

**...**

_**8th November 2011**_

It was startling to say the least. If numbness had been his downfall that summer he didn't know what the influx of emotions racing through him now would be. The first sight of Blair in Dan's arms sent a jolt of pure hate through him. The sight was burned into his eyes and his built-up resentment flooded through him. He did what he did best: destroy.

"You sure don't waste time, do you Waldorf?" he asked staring at the red tinged faces in front of him with clenched teeth.

He noted with satisfaction that Dan looked slightly ashamed and guilty. But when he tried to look at Blair, she kept her eyes on the floor. He caught the initial gasp of surprise as her eyes fell upon him.

"Look Chuck..." Dan began in a placating tone

Chuck chose to ignore him. He kept his eyes on Blair, who seemed resolute in not meeting his eyes.

""It has been barely a week since your wedding and you have already found someone new to dance to your tunes"

"Chuck, it's not like …" Dan said trying to interject into the strange intensity that seemed to surround Chuck and Blair.

"It's not like it looks like?" Chuck said smoothly "Really, Humphrey, so you didn't have your arms around her, did you? You weren't about to try and get laid"

Dan moved forward, feeling guilty for some unknown reason "I wasn't trying to…"

"It doesn't take much to make Waldorf spread her legs anyway for prince or scum, apparently..." Chuck said, his eyes unmoving

"Shut up, Chuck. You are clearly not in your senses" Dan said angrily

"You haven't changed, Humphrey. Still defending the sluts as much as you can…" he sneered oblivious to the anger building up in Dan.

A gasp escaped Blair and both men turned instinctively towards her. Her eyes met Chuck for a mere second and it was enough. Chuck felt his heart slam against his ribcage. Her eyes were filled with tears but they were eerily calm. It somehow urged his protective instincts but he ignored them.

He kept his expression blank and calm and her eyes floundered. As always he could break her mask. She wrenched herself away resuming her earlier stance and staring down.

"You can't meet my eyes now, Blair" he said softly, his tone mixed with anger and something else.

She clenched her fist.

"I wonder why? Maybe because you tried to take away my family, Blair... You tried to pass off my child as another's for your selfish reasons. And then you run away after I find the truth so that I can never…"

"I didn't run away from you…" she said slowly "I ran away from them..."

"You could have told me. After all, if nothing else, you are carrying my child but no...You still had to keep my child away from me. Would you always keep my child away from me? Keep him or her away from the father?" he asked angrily.

Dan had fallen oddly silent feeling like an intruder. He tried to make himself inconspicuous but it didn't seem to matter. Both Chuck and Blair seemed to have noticed nothing other than them.

Blair stood up clutching her stomach protectively.

"I was doing what I thought was the best..."

"Best for whom?" he asked loudly "You? Was your selfish desire to be a princess greater than your child's right to know his father?"

"You would know about selfish, wont you, Chuck? I mean you haven't ever thought of anyone other than yourself ever in your life?"

"Even if it's true... you think that justifies you keeping my child away from me?" he asked the anger lacing back in his voice.

"Being a father is not in your lifestyle... You don't know the first thing about relationships. All you can do is destruct everything around you. I 'm sorry I didn't want my child to become collateral damage to your quest of self-discovery" she snapped out

His eyes turned black. "No, it was to become a pawn in your game of becoming a princess"

"Well... You brought an end to any future this baby could have by branding me a whore and this child a bastard..."

"What did you expect me to do? You were trying to take away my child…"

"And the first instinctive action to it was to destroy me for revenge..."

Chuck scoffed "Is this how you justify your actions to yourself?"

"Justifications? Why don't you try and justify selling me for the Empire?" she asked pain and anger clouding her face.

"So what was this, Blair? A revenge for the greatest mistake of my life? Were you trying to topple down my share of mistakes in our relationship...?"

"That's enough" Dan exclaimed loudly.

"Stay out of this. This isn't any of your fucking business, Humphrey" Chuck stated roughly

Dan shook his head. He felt the dark shadow of intense brown eyes stare at him. The phrase "if looks could kill..." worked through his mind. " None of you are in a state to talk about this. Blair, you aren't supposed to stress yourself and Chuck, you really need to calm down"

He looked pleadingly at Chuck "Please, just remember she is seven months pregnant"

Chuck nodded. "I 'm leaving but I will be back." He turned back to face Blair "This is my child. This is my family and I 'll destroy you if you try to take it away from me."

….

The door slammed as Chuck walked out. His footsteps were lost soon. Dan sighed in the silence. The atmosphere felt odd and suffocating. It was hard to believe that moments earlier he was about to tell Blair what he had yearned to tell her for months. He turned slowly to look at her.

Blair was standing in the middle of the room staring at the door with a heart-wrenching expression. His heart slammed in his ribcage as he saw her. Her face was a countenance of pure longing. He could read her yearning for something, someone and the heartbreak it left in its wake. He had never seen anyone so heart-broken. Without thinking he moved forward and hugged her.

She stiffened in his arms but then gave in. Sobs wracked her petite frame as he held her, trying to comfort her in vain. He pulled away and cupped her face:

"Blair, its okay... its okay...just breath"

Her eyes were glazed as she whimpered. He reached over to caress her cheek and said again.

"I 'm here"

She nodded as he wiped her tears. He could see her returning as her gaze softened and she tried to smile. The sight was breaking his heart and he wanted- no, needed to heal her. Their gazes held and without thinking he leaned forward.

His lips brushed hers and his pulse quickened. Then she turned away.

He looked at her.

"I can't..." she said with tears trailing down her cheeks. "I 'm sorry, Dan. I can't... I just can't...I..." she held her face in her hand.

Dan looked at her feeling very wrong-footed.

"No, Blair. I 'm the one who should be sorry. I don't know why... or how... I 'm sorry"

There was a long silence where they both stared away from each other. It lasted a few minutes until Dan chanced a look at her and caught the utter concern in her face.

"What is it? What's wrong?"

She looked down

"Chuck…"

"Blair, he was really angry. He didn't know what he was saying."

"No, Dan. He knew... he hates me." She said shaking her head "And he is furious. He- he must be hurting so much..."

"Blair…"

"He must be in a dark place and I can't help him. He won't see me. I 'm scared, Dan" she said as he moved closer to her. "I 'm scared of what he will do to himself"

Dan stared at her in shock. After everything Chuck had said and done, she still…

"Will you please go check on him?" she whimpered, her brown eyes frantic.

And in that moment everything became clearer to him. The world's focus resifted and he knew... knew the horrific truth that stared at his face.

Her truth and his…

Staring into the doe-eyes that seemed to hold his world, he nodded.

"I'll do anything for you, Blair"

…..


	6. Chapter 6

It was intense, a long glimpse into her eyes.

"I will do anything for you" Dan repeated. Her eyes were on him and they slowly filled with tears. "I love you"

She closed her eyes. "No, Dan. Don't say that" It was weary.

"I have to. It's been so long that I held it all inside. I wanted to tell you but I just couldn't." he said

She looked up then. "You love me. That's why no matter what, you are there for me"

He smiled crookedly. She smiled back slowly at him. His obnoxiously curly hair and his weird clothes somehow added to the moment. This was Humphrey- how had they reached here? How had she reached here?

"We can't do this..."

"I know we have Serena and Chuck to think about but seriously it will all fix it"

She sighed. "No it doesn't. Nothing fixes itself and this wouldn't."

He moved closer and turned in his arms. She looked into his eyes.

"We are good together. We are so good. You are powerful when you are with me. With Chuck- you are powerless. He weakens you and... You aren't Blair with him"

She stepped back "You don't know anything about me and Chuck..."

"Maybe not. But I have seen you after he has broken you... At your worst... You are the girl who held the entire Constance student body at her beck and call and now you are scared to do what you want..."

The words hit home, much more than she realized.

She cracked up slowly, the cracks breaking through her disillusion.

"I 'm not that girl anymore, Dan... I haven't been for so long" she said slowly as though waking up from an epiphany. "I am a barely legal mom who lied to everyone who cared about her. When I was sixteen I saw myself well-established at Yale with Nate by my side. But when I lost Yale, I lost myself and never really got myself back."

She sighed "Right now I am a mess, Dan. I am emotionally drained and I am crazy with worry. I do want you Dan- curiously I 'm attracted to you. How could I not be attracted to the one person who was there with me through all this?" she smiled sadly at him.

"That's all I need, Blair" he replied gravely

"But that's not what I need. The last thing I need is a relationship now. I can't make sense of myself right now much less my feelings for anyone. Do you really want us to start a relationship based on feelings that I might or might not be imagining? With Louis and Chuck and you- I am not sure what I am doing now Dan..."

"But Blair…"

"I am where Serena was a year ago but me 'm worse. At least she didn't lead you two along..."She moved forward and grasped his hand "I need to do this"

…

He couldn't stop his feet from moving and he couldn't blink his eyes away. It wasn't everyday that one saw Chuck Bass sitting desolately. It was probably unexpected moment of his life.

"Humphrey..." Chuck said with his usual mocking derision and immediately Dan felt better.

"Chuck, don't you think you have had enough to drink?" he asked slowly "You got past all this last summer...You are better now."

Chuck smirked "It's all a waste. It was all for her- a misguided attempt to make myself worthy of her but seriously I have better things to do than sit around trying to be better for a woman who betrayed me in the worst way possible"

Dan sighed "She didn't betray you?"

Chuck shook his head "You mean like Georgina didn't betray you about the paternity of her son?"

Dan scratched his head "What she did was wrong but she was scared and maybe she didn't want to go on being mistreated by you"

"I don't mistreat her..."

"No, Chuck. You think you don't mistreat her. All last year she has been dying little by little because how you have treated her..."

Chuck rolled his eyes "And gave you the chance to cozy up with her? Blair Waldorf doesn't break; Humphrey and most of all she doesn't need you or me to fix her up. She is powerful on her own. Now did you come here to rub your betrayal over my face or was there a reason?"

"Blair…"

"But of course..."

"She wanted to make sure you are okay..." Dan smiled "Now that's one thing that's never going to change."

…

It was light out but she felt cooler. She felt better. The diagnosis is hardest part and the treatment only makes it better. She knew now that she was losing it - dangerously close to probably messing up everything that she ever wanted. And she couldn't afford it- not anymore. Her hand caressed her stomach and she sniffed.

"I will get together. I will get it back together..."

She used to be so driven, so powerful and in control of everything. But now she stood in a messy puddle, having been manipulated by French royals, having screwed up every relationship that mattered to her. She wasn't that girl- not the one who didn't know how to control her life... She was a Waldorf, goddamnit and it was time she behaved like one again. She didn't want to set a bad precedent for Victoria. Her fingers flew over the laptop and she was slowly moving towards a better sense of understanding.

And suddenly it was warm.

It was light and yet it was dark. The rays of sunshine beaming through the window did little shine on the darkness that had descended on her soul. The numbness was her haven but she wasn't numb. She was screaming inside, in a blinding flash of pain, each moment was a stab in her heart. She could sense him and she didn't know what to feel.

She yearned for anger at Chuck, to be furious at his horrible words but all she felt was a dull pain. She couldn't weep, she couldn't mourn and yet she was in mourning. She heard the shuffle of feet and looked up.

Chuck was staring at her from the corner of the door. She sat up sighing.

"If you are here to insult me further, I must tell you that I 'm becoming quite immune it" she said wearily.

He swallowed and stepped in. Blair felt her heart clench as she realized that all the rage had vanished from his eyes. His eyes were filled with raw pain and Blair suddenly wanted him to scream and shout at her. Instead he put his hand in his pocket and whispered one single word.

"Why?"

Blair stared at him, unable to answer. Chuck walked closer staring at him.

"Why did you do it, Blair? Why did you try and take the baby away from me? Why did you lie?" His voice was cracking and Blair felt her façade fading rapidly.

"I... I.."

"I need an answer, Blair. Were you never going to let me know? Would you always keep my child away from me? Keep him or her away from the father?"

Blair stood up clutching her stomach protectively.

"I was doing what I thought was the best..."

"Best for whom?" he asked loudly.

"I don't know. I didn't think properly. I spent last year trying desperately to hold onto you but somehow you always slipped through- Eva, Raina, and Bass Industries. I wanted to be just more than your girlfriend because I was Blair Waldorf. I wanted to be powerful but I couldn't be. I was losing everything- you and my dream- I was becoming the have-been that I used to poke fun at... Louis gave as a last chance to be something and he came right out of fairytale... Everyone would admire me and I will be loved my own prince... when I figured I was carrying your child. I didn't want to lose it all- to go back to been the girl who couldn't be anything..."

"You can be anything you want, Blair..."

"I know that now..."

His eyes turned black. "You made our child a pawn due to your insecurities. How is that supposed to be okay? You know what family means to me..."

"Chuck... I..." she began before she yelped her had on her bump.

." Blair..." Chuck asked, his eyes darting to her bump and back to her face in concern

"She kicked" she whispered in wonder, her eyes filling with tears "She kicked again." she repeated jubilantly.

"What?"

Without thinking she reached out and placed his hand on her bump.

Chuck froze staring wide-eyed at her.

"Blair I can't…" he began before cursing hard as he felt a distinctive kick "God, she really kicked. And again...and again. She is kicking, Blair" he said excitedly "Can you feel it?"

Blair gave an odd laugh mingled with tears. "Of course I can feel it, she is in me, Bass" she cried affectionately, her hand instinctively ruffling his hair.

They both froze as they realized the position they were in. Blair withdrew her hand and sat down on the bed. She put her face in her hands.

There was silence but she didn't hear him leave. Then he cleared his throat.

"She?"

She nodded, fighting tears "Victoria Charlotte Waldorf..."

He sat down next to her and looked at her. "Blair..."

"She feels like a Victoria..." She opened a drawer and handed him a small album.

He opened it curiously. She clarified slowly "It has all her sonogram pictures.

He opened it slowly and stared wistfully at the pictures. She inched closer, her hand resting tentatively over his arm.

"There you can see her better in this one..." she said flipping back to the last picture.

"She is so tiny..." he said in a choked voice. He turned to her with expectant eyes "Charlotte?"

"For her father..." she replied "I wouldn't have been able to keep her away for too long..."

He smiled and took her hand. "I 'm sorry about last year... But we could have been together anytime you wanted..."

She looked down and nodded "It wouldn't have worked." She took his hand kissed it "I 'm sorry, Chuck. For trying to keep your family away from you..."

He was silent. "We can all be together now..."

"No, because it still wouldn't work."

He took his hand away "Because of Humphrey?"

"Because Blair Waldorf is lost and I need to find myself before I can be anyone's"

Chuck shook his head.

"Chuck, you need to let me do this. The girl who fell in love with is no longer here and I need to find her."she said urgently

He looked at her with sudden warmth.

"For Victoria.." she urged him

He nodded slowly

" For Victoria."

…

The sand was different. Or it just felt different- Blair walked around staring at the beach, one hand cradled protectively against her stomach. It had been a long few days but she felt ridiculously at peace. The plan was set and finalized-it just needed to be put into motion. She felt Victoria nudge her and she smiled inwardly. Apparently the youngest Waldorf agreed- Vicki, as Chuck had taken upon to calling her, had an opinion even before she was born. She was a Waldorf-Bass if there were ever was one? She sighed slowly as he thought of Chuck. She knew that she had hurt him and Humphrey too. It was however for the best.

"Blair..."

She turned around at the voice. Her smile widened when she saw her best friend. Serena was dressed impeccably as ever. Her gorgeous windswept hair was as glorious as ever but her eyes were wary.

"S, I can't believe you came..." she said slowly. Immediately Serena moved forward and hugged her, all wariness forgotten.

"Oh my god, B... You had us all worried. I was making myself sick and when you called yesterday I thought it was a joke. What are you doing here? Why didn't you come to me when you ran out?" she asked keeping a firm hold over her best friend.

"I just wanted to get out of there, S. I didn't – think that you-you would be able to forgive me for what I did to Chuck so I didn't…I went to Dan and he brought me here..." she said looking down, feeling unreasonably guilty.

"What you did was wrong but you can always come to me, B. You are my sister, you are my best friend- We are the non-judging breakfast club, B. We never judge you..." she said tenderly

Blair nodded. "You should know something. Dan kissed me…" She felt Serena stiffen in her arms "And he said that he loves me..."

She waited for Serena to look up and when she did, Blair felt awful. "Do you- do you have feelings for him too?"

"I 'm confused, S..."

Blair replied "I 'm sorry, S. I know it must hurt you."

"I don't get it..."Serena replied, shaking her head. " Are you with Chuck or Dan?"

Blair smiled "I am with neither. I just need to find myself, S. I need to be a mother first. I need to be the girl I was when I was younger."

"I don't understand. You are having a baby with Chuck..."

"Yes...He will be a part of Victoria's life, and mine too but not in that capacity. I need to be true to myself before I can be true to anyone else. I need to be alone. Getting into a relationship is the worst thing I can do now."

"Hmmn... I get it." She nodded slowly.

"But I can't get do this without my best friend..." she said wistfully

"Well you don't have to" Serena replied "Like everything else we will get through this together."

And they knew she will. At one point or the other we all stand at crossroads and no matter how devastating the disaster maybe, there is always a way out. All you need is to hold the hand of the one person who would never leave you. It could be someone who never expected to be your knight in shining armor but who refused to budge from your side. It could also be someone who being destructed by your love returns to pick up the pieces. Yet most of the times the only person you need is yourself- if you can her.

…

**I will be honest and admit that this wasn't the end that I visualized when I began this story but I really think , in the light of the last few episodes that I saw ( I haven't watched anything post the 100th), that this is what they need. Before Chair and Dair, I am firstly a Blair fan and she is lost- has been lost for awhile now and that is taking GG down.**

**I think that whoever she ends up with, she needs to find herself first. And that is why I am ending this fic this way. I know that this ending has potential to infuriate both Chair and Dair fans but this is what I needed to see. I would only ask you to be honest- even if it means red hot flames for me. Constructive criticism enables me to grow. This is not my best effort as I am presently suffering from major lack of inspiration. I am actually hoping this will break that.**

**Anyway, I want to thank each and every one of you who took time to read this story. It is quite unconventional and maybe not popular but I hope I was able to do justice to the characters.**

**Do let me know what you think :)**


End file.
